You wouldn’t be able to achieve much if you didn’t believe in yourself. That said, it is possible to have too much of a good thing. Some people act stubborn and claim it is due to their “confidence.” False. Stubbornness leads to arrogance. If you want to be a critical thinker and stop alienating the people you love, watch out for these five signs you are a stubborn person (#4 will ruin your reputation in a hurry).
1. You fear new situations.
Stubborn people are afraid of change. Whether they realize it or not, they perceive new situations as threats that should be avoided at all costs. Anyone who tries to impose a change on them could – subconsciously – be viewed as an oppressor.
In some ways, this is a good thing. I perform at my best when I structure my days as consistently as possible. It’s nice to have set times to read, write, study, exercise, eat lunch, and so on. However, you need to get comfortable with the fact that life isn’t always so predictable.
If confronted with an incredibly stressful situation, a person who fears change might find themselves living in denial. They could get fired or divorced, but behave as if nothing happened, because they can’t bring themselves to accept reality. This is not beneficial for anybody. Accept change, no matter how bad it might be. The healing process can’t begin until you do that.
2. You argue about everything.
Stubborn people have trouble admitting when they are wrong. They would rather argue than suffer a blow to their ego. This is especially prevalent in fights between romantic partners.
I used to be very stubborn. An ex-girlfriend once told me she was upset, because I didn’t make enough time for her. I deflected that criticism by blaming her for not taking enough interest in my new passion (fitness – this happened when I first became a personal trainer).
I should have accepted that I was wrong. Sure, she didn’t seem that interested in my new career choice, but the main reason was that I’d gotten so obsessed that I started to neglect her needs. I can’t imagine many women would have reacted any differently. Relationships require time and attention to flourish. An apology would have got me a lot farther than being stubborn.
3. You never change your mind.
Stubborn people cheat themselves out of growth and transformation. They cling to past beliefs in a misguided effort to protect themselves from change.
Could you imagine how ignorant we would all be if scientists behaved in this way? We would still be under the impression that the Earth is a flat object in the center of the universe. No, thanks. I’m relieved that history’s most brilliant thinkers were willing to challenge their assumptions.
Look at life as if it is an evolutionary process. When viewed from that perspective, it becomes completely acceptable to change your mind. Let a childlike curiosity guide you through every day. Ask yourself hard questions that might force you to reconsider your stance. Be wrong more often. Your personal development requires it.
4. You resort to ad hominem attacks.
Stubborn people lash out at those who challenge their ideology. They can’t speak with facts or figures (see #5), so they resort to personal attacks. This is very common in comment threads.
“Ad hominem” is a Latin phrase that means “to the man.” Politicians use ad hominem attacks all the time. Instead of addressing a point made during a debate, they expose a flaw in their opponent’s character to cast doubt on their point. This is not an ethical tactic.
Regular people are just as guilty as shady politicians. If you ever catch yourself calling a person “stupid,” then you could be dodging a tricky question. Insulting a person’s character is much easier than addressing their point. If you want to become a critical thinker, you need to stick with the facts. If you’re not willing to do that, then you might as well keep your mouth shut.
5. You avoid information that contradicts your beliefs.
Stubborn people only read news from sources that confirm their biases. They don’t want to risk exposing themselves to conflicting information, because that could cause an identity crisis.
This behavior is most common in religious people. A child raised to believe “it’s all about faith” will be highly resistant to scientific findings that contradict their religion as an adult. This allows them to willfully ignore any facts that make it harder to believe in their higher power of choice.
This behavior is also common in political partisans. A liberal might avoid reading reports about how government inefficiencies result in wasteful spending, while a conservative might pass on a study that reveals government intervention improved the economy. It is very tempting to seek information that confirms your opinion, while ignoring information that contradicts it.
It’s okay to follow a religion or political party, but don’t be a sheep. If you can’t even acknowledge the existence of opposing viewpoints, how confident can you really be in your belief? Your tunnel vision could be blinding your judgment. Be courageous enough to challenge your perspective. If your belief is worth having, it will be stronger for it.
How many of these signs were true for you? Feel free to give yourself a score in the comments. If you know a stubborn person who needs to see this article, click here to share it on Facebook (and don’t forget to tag your friend in a comment).
Read More Articles by Daniel Wallen:
- 5 Questions to Ask Yourself before You Become a Freelancer
- Freelancing 101: How to Learn a New Skill (Without Stressing Yourself Out)
- 13 Motivational Quotes to Fire You Up in the Morning (Make #5 Your Battle Cry)
13 Comments
Leave a Reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Naveed
28/02/2015 at 5:06 pm
Only two matching me
Guest
28/08/2015 at 1:18 pm
All are matching :(
um...
11/09/2019 at 9:50 pm
same thing here
Green Dude
01/09/2015 at 6:43 am
People like to throw around the “facts” word a lot but they unknowingly reject the most stubborn fact of all – you’re going to die, the species is going to die. If people based their decisions on these two facts, apathy would reign supreme because they’d be forced to accept that whatever they attain, things or happiness, it won’t last and the harder and longer you cling, the more the separation will feel like hell. Ironically, death is anyone’s only hope of ending the catch 22. Of course only stubborn people will be able to know this because they see through the pretense of balance.
Anonymous1
21/03/2016 at 11:35 am
Being stubborn has actually helped to protect me since I’m a lady living alone with no family. I hate change being forced upon me if I’m not ready for it and if it’s unexpected. If something comes along and it poses a threat to something good I have going, of course I’m going to fight tooth and nail because the situation comes along as a threat, so naturally I’m going to fight back. If someone were trying to take my freedom I would also fight that as well. If it involves me, my home, or anything regarding my freedom, it’s definitely a threat and it has to go because I will never accept it, even if I must go into a flight mode if I can’t fight and win against it I will flight. Either way I win. My stubbornness has actually kept people from taking advantage of me and forcing me into situations I don’t want to be in, so if you look at it correctly, stubbornness is actually a good thing to some great degree. Being stubborn is actually a very good defense mechanism that has kept me out of bad situations, everyone around here knows not to mess with me because I can get downright ugly and everyone who knows me well enough knows it
Tanya goyal
14/10/2017 at 8:42 pm
It’s like almost all signs r matching with my current behavior… N being too stubborn is ruining my life…earlier I didn’t realised that my achievements r bcuz of my behavior… But now I’m realising that all thing I have achieved were due to being stubborn to achieve them….its like junoon to achieve what u want….but life is not always so predictable….especially when u step up in adult life…it’s not always what u have wished u achieved…. So being stubborn in such situation give more harm…n when u r not ready to face reality… Not willing to listen others opinions ….that’s what I defined stubbornness… It’s gud when u intend to achieve something u want like a particular degree, goal, results ….but this attitude fails in case of living thing…n u r trying to achieve them the way u did every time…otherwise u would feel so so so much helpless…. That only u know…n u n person around u don’t find the reason why u r behaving kidishly…I am seriously got too much irritated with my stubbornness…. Can anyone plz help me?
Anonymous
07/02/2018 at 3:18 pm
“I am seriously got too much irritated with my stubbornness…. Can anyone plz help me?”
Simple:
Go stand in front of a blank wall and stare at it for 30 minutes. That is set up an alarm to ring in 30mins, hide it somewhere nearby and away from any human distraction, then stand close to a wall and stare at it like you were staring at somebody. Make sure you succeed in this 30mins experiment on your very first try.
Melanie Ayodeji
06/05/2018 at 6:53 am
What should be can can I do stop acting so stubborn? I’ve been conflicted with dad because me and my dad don’t violence. I just dont know what to do.
anonymous
16/06/2019 at 9:21 am
I don’t believe when they define stubborn people as people who diesn’t want change. At times im life one has to know the difference between the rightva and the wrong thing. If you don’t agree to certain things that are against your will you ate categorize as one. For e.g if someone wnt you do engage say for instance unprotected sex and you refuse will they say that you stubborn as you know thevreality is unprotected sex has got implications and end results that will put yiur life and health at risk as there are different infections or diseases outside including HIV that is still incurable. In my opinion i understandcthat if know andcunderstand what you want out of life you always regarded as a stubbornnperson as you have your facts on par and you not agreeing and compromising what you believe in. In life we have tobhave do’s and don’t forvus to perceive life in a different way andvto achieve what you’ve aimed and perceive in life. For me I have achieved many things through this.
Your mom
20/02/2020 at 8:37 pm
A stubborn person wouldn’t admit they are any of these things…
Dollar_remixx
03/06/2020 at 4:43 pm
Only no. 1 applies to me.
Jon Oregano
13/02/2021 at 3:52 pm
All of you are stubborn people
whats the point in knowing
06/07/2022 at 4:22 am
The saddest part is, in life, stubbornness will hold you back from a lot of opportunities. Everyone has a degree of ‘making a stand’, and you need it to draw the boundary lines of your values system to live and move forward. The challenge with Stubborn people is that the threshold of that line is immovable and fortified for their own self-protection as a form of self-defense developed from past hurts.
It is a trait driven by fear, and it’s a manifestation of an unwillingness/lack of openness to step out of their perceived ‘safe zone’ even when the situation has demanded for it. Usually implicating other humans with a conflicting agenda. There’s no guarantee, to said stubborn person that moving that boundary line will result in a great success, they are unconvinced (despite the evidence). As a result, they fail to grow fail to jump on to the best opportunities, fail to take risks, fail to fail and therefore no need to struggle to get back up again. Fear holds them back and they are in chains doomed to a life of slavery to that very fear that inspires a stubborn trait.
Journeying with a stubborn person is impossible if you have your own hurts and vulnerabilities because they fight back and half the time if it is a significant other, they will be able to hurt you where you are most vulnerable. So if you are not secure and firm in the agenda, the journey is challenging and you will find yourself giving in and letting go, obliging the said stubborn person and his/her ways. When that happens a positive feedback loop happens and you are now reinforcing their stubborn ways, moving forward it will get harder and harder and the one that suffers is you.